The Pantagraph from Bloomington, Illinois • Page 41

THE PANTAGRAPH FOCUS SECTION SATURDAY February 14, 2004 Hearts at Home I aleitliue's Dap rjiJls don't hart' In be cosllp Page D4 Susan Rittenhouse IMlf cm Valentine's Day not always the easiest- for some Think it's Lincoln? Maybe not oooo OOOO By Steve Arney sarneypantagraph.com Activists against the war in Iraq like to quote Abraham Lincoln as saying, "There is no honorable way to kill, no gentle way io destroy There is nothing good in war except its ending." The problem is, he never said it. Well, "Lincoln" kind of said it to Captain Kirk. At the 16th president's birthday and Presidents Day, the Lincoln stories and quotes come pouring out along with a whole host of material attributed to him that he never uttered. For a hobby, Illinois state historian Tom Schwartz researches false quotes of Abraham Lincoln. He does so with a mix of humor and alarm.

Said Schwartz, "The danger is, you have Lincoln frequently quoted in popular culture. It blurs the distinction between reality and fantasy. For historians, it's absolutely crucial to make those distinctions." .1 jf -i i I rx I ll iWt' 1 it i I if I -J-, I I jl I- i 'r 1 '( fc i oooo One of his best finds is the "no honorable way to kill" quote. Alerted by e-mail, Schwartz found that peace activists not only were using the quote, but selling T-shirts Tom Schwartz OOOO On today of all days, Valentine's Day, it's more obvious than usu- 1 al that there are two types of folks in this wonderful world: People who are comfortable expressing their emotions and those who aren't. You could say Feb.

14 is a modern-day "war of the roses" when the two sides hunker down to defend their positions. I belong to the first group, often gushing over people so much they feel like they've been slimed by an overly affectionate St. Bernard. I've always envied those women who have an aura of mystery, never hinting at what's behind their veiled look of allure and leaving others wanting more. But alas, I'm a gusher and a hugger.

Instead of coming off like Greta Garbo, I'm more like Reese Witherspoon. Tons of research has been compiled about why people are in Group A (the talkers) or Group (the "I-don't-have-to-say-it-you-should-already-know" group). Amid the theories, one thing's for sure: Group A always wants Group to conform to their way of thinking, or should I say, their, way of talking. And, oh boy, the pressure is on today. You might assume that these two groups pretty much follow gender lines, but not necessarily so.

My own grandmother, despite the fact that we were very close and constant companions, never uttered the "1" word. For years, when I said, "I love you," she replied, "You're a good kid." Not exactly the most heartwarming exchange in the world, but I knew what, she meant. She loved me; she just couldn't say it. On the flip side, there are people who say, "I love you" too often; the phrase flowing off their lips two seconds into the relationship. It's like emotional spam.

For some people, making a declaration of love is difficult. Some have a fear of being ridiculed; others have a fear of being hassled. A single man, John, says he doesn't do unprompted "I love yous" because "as soon as those words are out of my mouth, my girlfriend becomes suspicious I've done something wrong." And Tim thinks it's embarrassing to say "I love you" to his wife over the phone at work, so he just says, "Ditto." Robert tells his wife he loves her because he knows it means something to her. But hearing those three little words isn't a big deal to him. "Let's face it," he says, "hearing a woman say 'I love you' doesn't quite make the list of fantasies that most men experience." Really? Not even if twins said it at the same time? For Mary, there's nothing better than hearing "I love you, grandma" from the sweet little voice of her 4-year-old grandson.

"Especially when he says it first," she says. Ah, saying it first. What a risk. Talk about an opportunity for rejection and lifetime scarring. No one who goes out on a limb to de-Clare their love wants to hear the response, "Thanks" or "Gee, I'm flattered," or even worse, "I know you do." Ugh.

You can just feel the pain. The only acceptable response is, "I love you, too." While Group A and Group may not agree on the best way to express their feelings, they seem to overcome their differences and find a happy middle ground, "My father never said 'I love you'," said Brian, who is now a father him- self. "People of his generation just didn't seem to express emotion too often." But Brian has reversed that trend, often telling his own children he loves them. "My wife has helped me do that. Her open expression has allowed me to become more comfortable saying something I never heard as a kid." This week on the radio is an advertisement for cell phones featuring a young man and woman.

The young man is a member of Group unwilling to ten his girl (Group A) how he feels. She encourages him to say what she's longing to hear, but he won't budge. Finally in desperation, she tricks him. "Mark, you know that sweater I gave you for your birthday? Would you say it's sage green or olive hue?" "Olive hue," he says, his words sounding a lot like the grand prize phrase. "I love you, too, Mark," she says.

He realizes his slip-up and shouts, "Sage green! Sage green!" i Happy Valentine's Day, readers. And, because I'm a diehard member of Group who wears her heart on her sleeve, let me say, "I love you!" Contact Susan Rittenhouse at susanrittenhouse yahoo com or write to her in care of The Pantagraph, 301 W- Washington Bloommgton, IL 61702-2907. oooo with the phrase. Reasonably sure Lincoln never said that, Schwartz searched databases of real Lincoln material to make sure. Then he inserted the quote into the Google search engine on the Internet and found the source: "Star Trek" Episode 77, "The Savage Curtain," originally aired in 1969.

The quote was made by an Abraham Lincoln incarnation who was created by aliens. The aliens had read Enterprise Captain James Kirk's mind and created the likeness of Kirk's hero, Lincoln. The rock-like aliens on Excal-bia, in Star Date 5906.4, drew Kirk and Spock into a perverse life-or-death test of good vs. evil by bringing historic characters, including President Lincoln, to life to do battle. Schwartz learned that the script writer had died, so his research for the quote origins ended at the script.

But the use of the misquote proliferates. Lincoln's mastery and economy of language, his humble beginnings and his leadership during an American crisis contribute to his greatness, said Guy Fraker, a Bloomington lawyer who researches and writes about Lincoln. SEE LINCOLN NEXT PAGE imiTTiiiqtimiiVliTFIiiM4-fil OOOO as W. A. CASH Dttotnm.

ill. a to mm uumct lMVMfHMm IWII Ian, urungtwitlMtMC, tin axti0 XL tyn 4 XL. Utny AW--fcrt. I ZLr vi i aJ jA There's an abundance of real Lincoln documents floating about, but this isn't one, Daniel Stowell concluded instantly. Stowell, who heads "The Papers of Abraham Lincoln" project in Springfield, notes that Lincoln worked in a store in New Salem, not Decatur.

Also, he said, the letterhead looks to be early 20th Century. Finally, Stowell said, "We have handwriting experts on staff. I'm not one of them. But I can tell: This isn't Lincoln." Project adds letters to Lincoln to history By Steve Arney sarneypantagraph.com Last summer in Washington, D.C., Daniel Stow-ell came across a letter to President Abraham Lincoln from a teenage girl. She requested Army furlough for her father so that he could help his family.

The file at the U.S. National Archives and Record Administration gave no information on whether Lincoln saw the letter. But the letter is the type of material that Stow-ell and his colleagues at the Illinois Historic Preservation Agency seek as they compile a gigantic Lincoln collection. "What's interesting to me is a 13-, 14-year-old girl thought she could write to the president and get a sympathetic ear," said Stowell, who is director and editor of "The Papers of Abraham Lincoln." SEE PROJECT NEXT PAGE Li 1 For The PAPERS OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN" PROJECT.